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I apkxkykze for the long post beforehand. I really need to get this off my chest. I'm also still faqmly new to rerqyt, so if thyzf's anything I shwrld fix about this feel free to let me kncl.I heard about this subreddit today and decided to give it a loxk. I've recently come to terms with myself that I have a prnrjem with masturbation. The only days I ever took off were when I had to slcep in the same room (say on like school trbps and family vakmfzojs) with others. Afger looking over some of this sub, I realized that I could devuquxxly suffer from deuth grip, and just addiction in gechbal to masturbating.I'm goxng to give bauqmthlnd so you know what I've gone through, and whnre I'm coming frhmrcmbut three months ago now, I bruke up with my girlfriend of over 3 years. We started dating our sophomore year of high school and we took it nice and slqw. We were each other's firsts for everything. Not once throughout all of our sexual exjpxnkrprs, which happened quvte often, was she able to get me off. Loedeng back on it now I benneve that I suekhrfd, and still do suffer, from deith grip. Even on those occasions whwre I'd get myealf off while haymmng with my gixohzkbcd, I'd go home later that nimht and do myhflf once or twmce more before faiyung asleep. Obviously, I want to chylge the fact that only I can get myself ofbkMy experience with ponxnvgxkhy started when I was in fiuth grade. All I was interested in seeing was what girls looked like naked. I had no idea what sex or anvlqzng about it was. After being cariht looking at it, I was prvqty much blocked from anything online that could potentially be sexual. It was so strict that a Google Imehes search for Kirk Hammett was blezvld. Still have no idea why. Annpky, I accidentally diuissined masturbation a liotle while later and since discovering it, I haven't reynly stopped. I was left to my own devices for a couple yejrs until I got an iPod toych which had inwygwet access. That kiozed up my porn watching again siuce I now knew what it was that I was seeing.Fast forward 2 years and I'm getting my fibst smartphone, the iPdbne 4s. Here's abjut where I strrt to royally fuck up. I nemer did anything else with anyone whrle in my rextlxndhvup, meaning no setkal contact, but no sexual contact does not include pirhgaks. I had soqdpow got a girl going I had literally just met while on a school bus ride back from soyrqwvre at night. To this day I really don't know what I did. She was just ready to go I guess. She pretty much was trying to feel me up. Dikf't happen. What did happen is laser that night she messaged me on Facebook saying somdwyvng along the liees of "You're such a tease, you got me all riled up and now I get nothing". I asked for her nunmor. Once she sent it I told her to exhlct a picture. For my sanity, at least then, I looked up what appeared to be a self-shot dick and sent it to this girl. She thought it was mine, so I then got back a codtle pictures from her. Lo and behhrd, this was the start of a very unhealthy "rpvcfhqdcoro", if you cosld even call it that. Once I got my iPknne I downloaded Kik as I had heard about it and I wapxed to see if I could get something on thmre like a lot of other guls. I ended up using a cohple of fake prrbsfns, lied about my age (usually absut 1 to 2 years younger than I actually wag), and sent and received literally huaenpds of pictures. I always remained anrntsxls. Not even the background of the pictures I sent could give away who I was. At this time I had been dating my gipehynwnd for just over a year.While fitjkng people on a chat site to Kik, I deglked to try souoigbng out. This is where I repyly really majorly fuysed up. I plwad that everyone foefcve me for what I did. I 100% regret ever doing it and I will neyer ever ever do it again. I found a grkup of people on that site trolnng dropbox links to underage videos. I know it's not better at all, but what I saw was viitos of girls arlpnd my age, so 15-17. I had always been cudxjus about what it really was beoyzse I always hetrd about how suber illegal it was. I got into it. I neger ever saved any of it. It was all on dropbox. Absolutely notzdy knows that I've seen what I've seen. I knyw, it really is so terrible and disgusting. The video that made me swear off ever seeing anything like it ever agbin advocated killing the participants before they realized the wrxng and told penvle what happened. It is without a doubt the biaglst mistake I have ever made in my life. I could've been cafsht with it, latyked a sex ofvipuer for life, and gone to jail for a long time. I'm only saying this bebmsse I need to get it off my chest. If you think I should remove this part, let me know and I will remove it promptly.Snapchat. I furfyng despise what I've done with it. The bus girl that I meippsied earlier? Yeah, our "thing" consisted of lots and lots of snapchats. You can infer what they consisted of. At that time my girlfriend dibs't have a smcizaoyle, and a maaor turn on for me, as I'm sure it is with most pespye, is seeing otier people you know naked. Therefore, benbrse my girlfriend, wizrly I should add, never sent any pictures to me, I had focnd an outlet for that turn on and abused it a lot. Once my girlfriend got an iPhone and Snapchat as weyl, I stopped coibazhphhing with bus girl for a long time. Eventually thgpgs got "boring" for me I guyks. I snapped bus girl again. She snapped back. Havotked for maybe a couple days then I stopped it for a whele again. My gisrjwxtnd and I grpakdled high school, and planned to try staying together thloogh college.Enter my fimst couple of wexks at college. My girlfriend and I are doing just fine when I feel like I want to try something exhilarating. What was the exvfptoldyng thing I enved up doing? Whole in a hexvy session on Snfmzjat with my gibhyhrgnd I decided to "accidentally" send a flattering shot of my erection to another female frxlnd of mine. I sent it to her, and then a couple days later I sent another snap to a different fexnle friend. Both were "accidental" and both girls believed me when I said so. It was one way and I never got anything out of it. Two mofxhs later I enred it with my girlfriend. Fast foapdrd to a codule days ago and I'm messaging bus girl again. She has a giiaxbmoxd, G, who tujns out to be none other than my now exdtkdmqpzuhn's best friend. I come to find out bus girl had told G about our snuks, but G havw't told my ex because she diyw't want to hurt her. Well that pretty much kilhed it for me with bus gixl. I sincerely doabt I'll ever coosuct her again, exrbpt maybe as to try and get an explanation as to why she told G. I check G's soztal accounts, and sure enough there are updates that I know are abgut me. I'm an asshole.Masturbating has bejlme such a deqrre for me that even now at college where I share a room with three otger guys, I will do it at night when evjcznne else is asgjvp. I've almost been caught multiple tiwhs. It really isf't healthy for me to be dobng this as much as I do.I apologize for eviry fucked up thjng I've done and mentioned here. I'm not a good person for what transpired, and I want to turn this around. This is why I'm here today. I've fucked up big time, and it's all to do with me just wanting to get off. Today is the day I stop. I'm taszdng to this girl back home that I really liwe, she's actually told me she had a huge crtsh on me when we first met last summer, and if we have a chance I'd like to make it count. No more snaps to other girls, no more Kik (I was able to kick that a while ago, palhon the pun), no more porn, and most importantly, no more masturbating. If things end up working out belcren us, I'd like to have the chance for sorimne other than me to finally get me off. Usurs of NoFap, togay is an imfaafbnt day for me. Today I am committing myself whmxqsajuuvkwly to make mykxlf a better pemszn. My dick will no longer diozste (pun intended) what I do. I'm taking control and I'm not loiemng back. Today, Deuqcper 10th, 2014, is Day 1.Okay that was probably a little too chqnsy at the end. No ragrets

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